It has now been 2 weeks since My best buddy has been gone, I have tried going to work, going out of town, talking about him and even looking at new puppies but nothing seems to be help. My house is empty without him, my truck is empty without him, my life is empty without him. Some out there might say that I deserved this or that this is a good punishment losing Oscar, but no one deserves this and I guess no one can truly understand how I feel. No matter how hard I could try , I could never cause anyone as much pain as I am going thru having lost Oscar ... I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.
Everyone says it will get easier ... how does it get easier when there is no more paw on my shoulder when I am driving, no more head on my shoulder, no more ugly face sniffing my head from the backseat, no more grumbling from the backseat trying to tell me he wants the donut thats in the bag in the front seat. How does it get easier to fall asleep when the sound of his snoring isnt there to put me to sleep. I can't count how many nights we fell asleep where he either had his paw on me or my hand was on him feeling him breath, in some weird way that was my security blanket... no matter what was going on in my life that was his way of saying "it's all gonna be good dad"
I was missing him so much this morning that I did something really stupid, I decided to load the photos that were taken of him and us at the vet just before he died. That was the absolute worst thing I could have done, now I can't stop crying at all. All I see in those pics are me and Oscar, him wanting to just be with me and go home and me knowing he wont ever go home again. Easter weekend is up and coming and I had searched it out and planned to go to Jasper with him hiking on some of the trails, now I couldn't care less if I didn't wake up till next easter. Why is life so unfair? Why is it a strong, healthy, young, personable and crowd favourite like Oscar has to have been taken so soon when he still had so much to live for and see with me? The pictures at the begining of this post were taken at the vet during our last hour. There are more pictures of Oscars life to follow soon.
Everyone says it will get easier ... how does it get easier when there is no more paw on my shoulder when I am driving, no more head on my shoulder, no more ugly face sniffing my head from the backseat, no more grumbling from the backseat trying to tell me he wants the donut thats in the bag in the front seat. How does it get easier to fall asleep when the sound of his snoring isnt there to put me to sleep. I can't count how many nights we fell asleep where he either had his paw on me or my hand was on him feeling him breath, in some weird way that was my security blanket... no matter what was going on in my life that was his way of saying "it's all gonna be good dad"
I was missing him so much this morning that I did something really stupid, I decided to load the photos that were taken of him and us at the vet just before he died. That was the absolute worst thing I could have done, now I can't stop crying at all. All I see in those pics are me and Oscar, him wanting to just be with me and go home and me knowing he wont ever go home again. Easter weekend is up and coming and I had searched it out and planned to go to Jasper with him hiking on some of the trails, now I couldn't care less if I didn't wake up till next easter. Why is life so unfair? Why is it a strong, healthy, young, personable and crowd favourite like Oscar has to have been taken so soon when he still had so much to live for and see with me? The pictures at the begining of this post were taken at the vet during our last hour. There are more pictures of Oscars life to follow soon.
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